top of page
"If you see ANYTHING move in those fuckin' trees, you kill it with your chainsaw. Including me. I don't give a shit. Kill first, ask questions later."
--Trevor Gunston.
Gidday. Trevor here. Just some friendly "Do's and Don't's" to ensure everyone has a fun and safe chainsaw safari up the Kaimai Ranges. Safety first. Nah, I'm just fucking with you. Dickheads. Death first. Safety second.
DON'T.
DON'T.
DON'T. You know what I fuckin' mean. Don't make me tell you twice.
Don't cut up the fuckin' trees. They're already dead and they can't die twice. Basic botany.
DON'T
DO.
DO bring a fucking huge Mccullough chainsaw. They will make short work of any manner of cunt. A fox, a snake, a fish, all sorts of cunts that might get in your way. REMEMBER: anything you see on the chainsaw safari that actually moves is technically in your fuckin' way.
Stupid cunt! Did it bleed? Can you mount it's corpse? Did you have to chase it across miles of rugged terrain? Any cunt can cut down a fucking tree! This isn't "Trevor's Piss-Easy Treechopping Trip to The Bloody Seaside".
DO.
DO come on Trev's Chainsaw Safari. It'll be fuckin' awesome! I'll be there! I'm Trev, I run the fucker!
DON'T
DON'T
Don't bring a piddly little Husqvarna 6-inch bar chainsaw up the fuckin' Kaimai's. I will throw the little cunt at you. Husqvarna chainsaws sound like a crying orphaned baby beset with dysentary and inoperable nappy cancer.
When cutting anything, DO NOT follow the big red fuckin' arrow. Look at it. It is pointing straight to your face.
bottom of page